“You are only hurting yourself with your anger.” Job 18:4 (GNT)

When you’re helping a friend whose marriage has ended, you can comfort them by supporting them with prayer and sharing their pain. You can also encourage them to do one of the hardest things after a divorce: forgive.

This is the most important issue your friend will have to deal with. If they’re going to move forward and heal from all the pain, they need to ask for forgiveness, accept forgiveness, and offer forgiveness. Because if they don’t, they’re going to get stuck.

There are three common emotions people often feel when their marriage has ended—anger, guilt, and bitterness. If held onto, those emotions can ruin the rest of their life.

How then, as a friend, do you help your friend with forgiveness? 

First, encourage them to stop blaming others. Saying “It’s all their fault” or “It’s all my fault” is a waste of time and energy. Blaming has never solved a problem, made you feel better, or lessened your pain. “You are only hurting yourself with your anger” (Job 18:4 GNT).

Second, encourage them to ask God and others for forgiveness. You can be there for them as they seek God’s forgiveness and consider whether they need to ask somebody else for forgiveness. When they can face their own shortcomings, they can begin to heal.

The Bible says, “My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done” (Psalm 38:4, 18 NLT). 

Third, encourage them to offer forgiveness to those who’ve hurt them, whether it’s their ex-spouse, in-laws, or judgmental friends. Not because others deserve it, but because they need to let go and get on with their life, because God has forgiven them, and because they’re going to need more forgiveness in the future. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 says this: “Get rid of all bitterness. . . . forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).

When someone’s going through a crisis—like a divorce—they need a friend who will humbly walk with them through the healing. Because, as we read in Ecclesiastes, “Two are better than one . . . If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (4:9–10 NIV).