“Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid for you are close beside me.” Psalm 23:4 (NLT)

When someone is dying—when they’ve received that terminal diagnosis or are reaching the end of a long life—people around them tend to pull away. They don’t know how to support their loved one in their final days. But when someone is dying, they need people to come close.

In my years as a pastor, I’ve been with many, many people who were dying. I’ve learned how to support them emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They need the people around them to offer COMFORT:

C – Confront your own fears.
Many people fear death—so they try to avoid people who are dying. Maybe you’re afraid of what death itself is like. I’ve been there for many deaths, and they’re almost always quite ordinary. People’s bodies slow down, and eventually they just stop; one moment they’re here, and the next they’re not. It’s nothing to fear. Or maybe you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. What you say—or don’t say—really isn’t very important. Someone who’s dying just needs you to be with them.

O – Offer your physical presence. 
When someone is dying, they simply need you to show up. You don’t even have to talk! Just sit with someone and hold their hand if they want that. Or read your book or work from your laptop in the same room they’re in. Just be there. And remind them that God is with them too: “Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me” (Psalm 23:4 NLT).

M – Minister with practical assistance.
Just do what needs to be done. Run errands, offer a back rub, prepare a snack. If you’re not sure what is needed, just ask. The Bible teaches, “Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak” (1 Thessalonians 5:14 NLT).

F – Fortify them with emotional support.
People who are dying may feel regret or sadness or fear. And you can help them carry those emotions: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NIV). You can support them by praying for them, by reading Scripture or encouraging books aloud, or even by playing worship music.

O – Open them up with questions.
People at the end of life often need to talk about their feelings and experiences. Sometimes they may ask questions you can’t answer, and the best response may be to ask a question in return. If someone asks, “Am I going to die?” you can ask them in return, “What are your thoughts about dying?” If they ask, “Why is this happening to me?” ask them, “What do you feel is happening to you?” Proverbs 20:5 says, “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out” (GW).

R – Remember the family has needs too. 
A dying person’s family members may need practical help—like meals prepared, a house cleaned, or even time to take a nap or a shower. And they may appreciate you asking questions they feel uncomfortable asking, like, “Do you have preferences for your memorial service?” or “Have you made a will?” You can help take care of your dying friend by helping that friend’s family.

T – Turn them to Jesus.
The most important thing is that your friend enters eternity prepared to meet God. And that can only happen when Jesus heals them spiritually. Encourage your friend to do what David did: “Death stared me in the face—I was frightened and sad. Then I cried, ‘Lord, save me!’” (Psalm 116:3-4 TLB). 

The whole business of Christianity is for you to learn to give your life away—to learn to be like Jesus. And one of the most beautiful ways to do that is to offer comfort to someone who is dying.