“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

James 1:19 (NIV)

Have you noticed how rarely you get to finish a sentence these days? We sometimes don’t even let others complete their sentences. We get angry easily and talk over each other all the time. You see it on talk shows. You hear it on podcast programs. You watch it on TV news, with three or four people talking at the same time and trying to make a point. But when everybody’s talking at once, nobody’s really listening.

How did we get here?

With a faster and more frantic speed of life, people have become more impatient. We’re so eager to speak our mind—or to just finish the conversation and move on to the next thing—that we’re not even interested enough in the other person and their perspective to hear them out.

The Bible says in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (NIV). Notice that if you do the first two—listen first and don’t speak right away—then the third is automatic. When you are quick to listen and slow to speak, you will be much less likely to become angry.

As parents, coworkers, neighbors, and spouses, it’s easy to lose our temper. Once our impatience starts to flare, it’s a quick trip to anger and conflict. 

But the Bible offers an effective way to combat anger in your life: Practice listening before you speak and working to understand the other person before you respond. When you do that, you will learn to deal with your anger.

If you think you don’t have an anger problem, you may just really be good at hiding it. When it comes to anger, everyone is either a skunk or a turtle. When they get angry, skunks stink up the whole place. Everybody knows they’re upset! Turtles, on the other hand, tend to pull back into their shells and internalize their anger. You may not see it, but it’s still boiling up inside.

Both skunks and turtles need to deal with their anger—they need to learn how to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

Be slow to speak, and you’ll be slow to anger. And by taking your time to respond, you’ll also be better able to really listen.