“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

Forgiveness is a two-way street. You can’t expect others to forgive you if you are unwilling to forgive them. It’s a basic biblical truth: You reap what you sow.

The Bible says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV).

One time, a man came to John Wesley, a passionate preacher from the 1700s, and said, “I could never forgive that person.” Wesley said, “Then I hope you never sin. When you are unforgiving, you’re burning the very bridge you need to walk across.”

When you’re not forgiving of others, you’re setting yourself up to not be forgiven yourself. Why? Because God says you’re going to need forgiveness in the future.

When I hear somebody say they can’t forgive someone, I realize that person doesn’t understand forgiveness. If they understood forgiveness, they’d probably be more eager to forgive others. Many myths get in the way of our willingness to forgive. For example, here are three of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean:

Minimizing the seriousness of the offense. Forgiveness is not saying, “It's no big deal!” or “It didn’t hurt.” It was a big deal. It did hurt. It wounded you, and that's why you need to forgive. To forgive someone doesn’t mean the wrong against you doesn’t hurt.

The instant restoration of trust. There's a difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness is instantaneous. Trust must be rebuilt over time. If people hurt you over and over again, the Bible says you’re obligated to forgive them, but you are not obligated to instantly trust them.

Resuming the relationship without any changes. Forgiveness is not the same as restoring the relationship. Forgiveness is what you do if you’ve been hurt. But if the relationship is going to be restored, the offender has to do three things: genuinely repent, offer restitution where possible, and rebuild trust over time.

It’s time to forgive those who have hurt you. You’ll need the forgiveness of others later. Don’t withhold forgiveness, knowing that you’ll need from others in the future.