“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

If you want to connect with people, you start with their needs, not your own. Start with their hurts, not your own. Start with what they want, not what you want. There’s an old Chinese saying that goes like this: “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.”

The Bible puts it the same way. You need to be thoughtful of others first and not worry about people understanding you. You try to understand them. That’s how you make that first connection.

Philippians 2:4 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (NLT).

That is such a countercultural verse. From the moment we are born, everything in our culture conditions us to think of ourselves first.

There are two basic truths about life. First, the world does not revolve around you. I know that’s shocking! Yes, you’re special in God’s eyes. Yes, you were created for a purpose. But the world does not revolve around you.

Here’s the second basic truth of life: God has promised that when you focus on meeting the needs of others, he will meet your needs. If you want your needs to be met, start meeting the needs of others. Why? Because God wants you to learn to be unselfish. He wants you to learn to be loving and generous like he is.

Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (NLT).

When you’re living for God’s kingdom, you’re putting first in your life the things that matter most to him—and that’s people. You’re looking out for others, thinking of them before you think of yourself, and considering their needs as much as you take care of your own. That’s the way Jesus treated people, and Jesus was all about God’s kingdom.

Connection starts with listening, learning, and loving like Jesus.