“I thank God for the help you gave me.” Philippians 1:5 (NCV)

Paul wrote the book of Philippians to the church he planted in Philippi. There, a woman named Lydia opened up her home and, along with others, welcomed Paul to the city. The Philippian church even helped fund Paul’s missionary journeys. In Philippians 1:5, Paul says, “I thank God for the help you gave me” (NCV).

The thing is, Paul didn’t have a good time in Philippi. In fact, it was one of his toughest churches to get started. When Paul went to this city to start a church, he was beaten, whipped, humiliated, falsely arrested, and thrown into prison. He even survived a major earthquake! Then he was asked by the city leaders to leave town.

Yet Paul told the believers, “Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God” (Philippians 1:3 NLT).

What is Paul doing here? He is choosing selective memory. Philippi was not a happy place for Paul. He endured a lot of persecution and suffering during his time there. But he chooses not to dwell on painful memories. Instead, he expresses his gratitude for the good things done for him and through him.

The longer you know someone, the more likely you are to take that person for granted, to look for faults, and to remember the bad things instead of the good things.

Are you still clinging to painful memories of people who are still in your life? Maybe you’ve never let them off the hook for mistakes they made years ago. You can’t enjoy those relationships today because you’re still holding on to the past.

You need to understand that memories are a choice. I’ve mentioned a story before about Clara Barton, who founded the American Red Cross. A friend reminded her of a particularly cruel thing somebody had done to her years before. The friend asked, “Don’t you remember?” Her famous reply was, “No, I distinctly remember forgetting it.”

Your memories are a choice. If you want to hold on to your painful memories, go right ahead. But you’re not going to be happy. Paul had a lot of reasons to focus on painful memories of Philippi. But he chose instead to be grateful for the people in his life and Gods’ work in and through them.

When you do the same, God will bless your relationships far beyond your expectations.