“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 (NIV)

When we walk around with resentment because we’re not able to forgive, we’re acting like we know better than God.

But the Bible reminds us that it’s not our job to worry about justice. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (NIV).

Who has a better arsenal to repay, you or God? Who can settle the score better, you or God? I think God! If I have to choose whether I’m going to get back at someone or let God be the God of justice, I’m going to let God do his thing. I’m going to choose to leave it to God.

Let me explain what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness does not mean you instantly restore trust. Forgiveness is instant, but trust must be rebuilt over time. Forgiveness is based on grace. Trust is built on works. You earn trust. You don’t earn forgiveness.

A lot of people don’t want to forgive, because they think if they forgive people, then they’ve got to trust them again. No. That’s a whole different issue! Trust has to be earned.

In a relationship where one person is dealing with an addiction that has harmed their family, they may ask, “Will you forgive me?” Yes, you will forgive them. “Can we go back to the way it was?” No. That’s not at all what you do. You move forward, but things must be different.

Forgiveness and the restoration of a relationship are not the same thing. Forgiveness is only your part—whether they ask for it or not, whether they respond or not, whether they even recognize they need it or not. You forgive for your sake.

Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It takes repentance. It takes restitution and a rebuilding of trust. And it often takes much more time. 

Many people think they can’t forgive because that would mean going back to the same old way—the same old hurts, habits, and hang-ups. That’s not true! You don’t have to go back to the way it was. But you do have to leave it in God’s hands.

How do you release your hurt? You forgive, and you trust God for justice, heart change, and restoration.