“A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone.” Proverbs 20:7 (GW)

If you don’t get married until you find the perfect wife or perfect husband, you’ll never marry, because no one is perfect. But you do need to marry someone who’s emotionally healthy and growing. And you need to make sure you’re growing in those areas too.

The Bible has a lot to say about emotional health. Here’s a list of emotional health factors from God’s Word:

An emotionally healthy person doesn’t have uncontrolled anger. “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person. Do not associate with one easily angered” (Proverbs 22:24 NIV). An angry spouse will eventually direct their anger toward you.

An emotionally healthy person doesn’t have addictions. “Don’t associate with people who drink too much or stuff themselves with food” (Proverbs 23:20 GNT). Food and alcohol are mentioned here, but there are countless ways to be addicted, including to technology, pornography, and even spending money.

An emotionally healthy person is not bitter. “Make sure that everyone has kindness  from God so that bitterness doesn’t take root and grow up to cause trouble that corrupts many of you” (Hebrews 12:15 GW). Bitterness is a like a poison; it eats you alive.

An emotionally healthy person is not selfish. “Selfish people cause trouble” (Proverbs 28:25 CEV). The number one cause of conflict in marriage, when you boil it all down, is simple: selfishness. 

An emotionally healthy person is not greedy. “Whoever is greedy . . . brings trouble to his family” (Proverbs 15:27 GW). And Proverbs 23:6 makes it even more blatant: “Don’t eat with people who are stingy” (NLT).

An emotionally healthy person is generous and kind. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25 NIV). And Proverbs 11:17 says, “Kindness is rewarded— but if you are cruel, you hurt yourself” (CEV).

An emotionally healthy person tells the truth. “A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone” (Proverbs 20:7 GW). Love is based on trust, and trust is based on truth.

Maybe you’ve read through this list and realized that many of these qualities are missing in the person you’re dating. If so, it’s time to reconsider the relationship. And if you see some of these qualities missing in your own life, ask God to help you grow before you commit to marriage.

Of course, if you’re married already, it’s never too late for you and your spouse to realize where you’re emotionally immature, commit to change, and ask for God’s help as you grow toward emotional health.