“God . . . gives life to the dead and . . . creates something out of nothing.”
Romans 4:17 (NCV)

God wants you to enjoy your marriage, but he also wants to use it to help you grow spiritually. Yesterday we looked at two things that can sink a marriage, and today we’re going to look at two more.

The third thing that can sink a marriage is unresolved issues. 

Some issues come up in marriage over and over, and yet you never resolve them. Maybe you don’t want to talk about them or they’re too personal. It could be finances or sex or in-laws or kids or communication. Unresolved issues can move a marriage from harmony to hostility to apathy.

Some unresolved issues come from what you learned growing up. When you got married, you weren’t a blank slate. You grew up in a family that had certain ways of doing things—habits and patterns that you thought were normal—some healthy, some unhealthy. Your spouse grew up in another family with ways of doing things that they thought were normal. So you both came into the marriage with different definitions of “normal,” and that can create unresolved issues. 

Marriage doesn’t create problems, it reveals them. It shows the areas you need to work on. For example, maybe you have a grudge against your parent. After you get married, any time your spouse reminds you of something you disliked about your parents, you may take that unresolved anger from the past and turn it on the person you love most. 

If you’re doing that, let me just say two things: one, it’s not fair to your spouse. And two, you are killing your marriage. The best way to heal a marriage is to get some closure on the past. 

The fourth thing that can sink a marriage is unforgiven hurts. 

Mistakes that aren’t forgiven put up walls and move marriages from harmony to hostility to apathy. The truth is we’re imperfect and we hurt each other—sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. We sin. We fail. We’re selfish. You’re going to be hurt in life, and the person who has the greatest potential to hurt you is the person you love most. 

That’s why forgiveness must become a daily habit in marriage. If you hold on to hurts and don’t let go of mistakes, those wounds fester and get worse.

What is the worst sin in marriage? It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s actually unforgiveness. Unforgiveness holds every other sin captive. If you hold on to every hurt and use it as ammunition, that will sink your marriage. Forgive. Let it go. Nothing destroys a marriage faster than unforgiveness. 

After learning about the four things that can destroy a marriage, you might be thinking, “Rick, you just described my marriage. Is there any hope?” Yes, there is. Romans 4:17 says, “God who gives life to the dead and who creates something out of nothing” (NCV). And if God can raise a dead person, he can raise a dead marriage. 

Read again tomorrow when we’ll take a look at how God can give you a marriage makeover.