“Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” 1 John 3:18 (GNT)

In every long-term relationship, you have to keep making adjustments. This is especially true in your marriage.

Over the years, you’re going to face a lot of opportunities to make adjustments. The kids will grow up. You’re going to move. Your job will change. Someone will get sick. Because circumstances keep changing, you’ll have to keep adjusting. And adjusting requires unselfishness.

Learning to be unselfish is one of the greatest lessons in life, and it may be the number one lesson God wants to teach you through your marriage. The Bible tells what that should look like: “Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action” (1 John 3:18 GNT).

Adjusting for your spouse means many things. One of those is thinking about their needs instead of just considering your own. The Bible says, “Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own” (Philippians 2:4 GNT). The longer we’re married, the less we tend to think about each other’s needs. But that’s the opposite of God’s ideal for your relationship.

Adjusting also means what the Bible calls submitting to each other. You each give up some of your own rights in order to meet the other person’s needs. The Living Bible paraphrase says, “Honor Christ by submitting to each other” (Ephesians 5:21).

There are many big adjustments we have to make throughout life, but sometimes the hardest adjustments are the little ones. Adjusting to the little things might look like going to bed a little later or earlier, or choosing the restaurant your spouse wants to go to. It might mean listening when the other person needs you, not just when you feel like it.

It’s in those little daily decisions to meet each other’s needs that real genuine love is expressed.

The test of real love isn’t what you say about loving each other. It’s how you act. You want greater harmony in your home? Treat your spouse as Jesus would. That one decision will change everything. When you treat your spouse as Jesus does, you’ll become more patient with annoyances and more forgiving of mistakes. You’ll seek what’s best for the other person.

The Bible says, “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had” (Romans 15:5 NIV). Having the attitude of Jesus will help you make the adjustments needed to keep your marriage growing.