“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10 (NLT)

It’s easier to fall in love than it is to stay in love. So what do you do when the spark has gone out, when the feelings aren’t there? How do you rekindle lost love?

You do what Jesus told the church in Laodicea in the book of Revelation to do. He said to them, “The love you had it first is gone” (Revelation 2:4 GW). And then he goes on to tell them how to regain that love: “Remember how far you have fallen. Return to me and change the way you think and act, and do what you did at first” (Revelation 2:5 GW).

He told them to remember, return, repent, and repeat. And that’s how you can rekindle love in your marriage, too.

First, you need to remember. To get love back, you need to start by remembering why you fell in love in the first place. God gave you the ability to remember. Use it to think about how good the early days were and that feeling of being in love.

Second, you need to return. You need to remember your love—but then you need to return to Jesus. It’s easy to let your focus slip to your problems and pressures. But Jesus wants you to return your focus to him.

Third, you need to repent. In other words, change the way you think and act. Love is not a feeling; it’s a choice. It’s a commitment that says, “I’m going to put your interests over my own.” It’s true that you can’t force a feeling. But you can choose to love. So repent of the ways you haven’t chosen to love and change the ways you think and act.

Fourth, repeat. Jesus says, “Do what you did at first” (Revelation 2:5 GW). In other words, act the way you used to act. Do the things you did when you first fell in love. Feelings follow actions. So when you choose to act in a loving way, the feelings are likely to come back.

The greatest enemy of romance isn’t adultery or anger or bitterness. It’s busyness. Nobody is going to make time for your marriage except you. Your boss isn’t going to say, “Go home and spend more time with your spouse.” No, you have to make time for them. Nobody else is going to do it. Your marriage is what you make it.

So start today doing what Romans 12:10 says: “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (NLT).